She says: You donʹt listen.
He says: What do you mean I donʹt listen? I can tell you everything you said.
When a man is in the cave he can record what she is saying with the 5 percent of mind that islistening. A man reasons that if he is listening with 5 percent, then he is listening. However, what she is asking for is his full undivided attention.
She says I feel like you are not even here.
He says What do you mean Iʹm not here? Of course I am here. Donʹt you see my body?
He reasons that if his body is present then she shouldnʹt say he is not there. However, though his body is present, she doesnʹt feel his full presence, and that is what she means.
She says You donʹt care about me
He says Of course I care about you. Why do you think I am trying to solve this problem?
He reasons that because he is preoccupied with solving a problem that will in some way benefit her, she should know he cares for her. However, she needs to feel his direct attention and caring, and that is what she is really asking for.
She says I feel like I am not important to you.
He says Thatʹs ridiculous. Of course you are important.
He reasons that her feelings are invalid because he is solving problems to benefit her. He doesnʹt realize that when he focuses on one problem and ignores the problems she is bothered by that almost any woman would have the same reaction and take it personally and feel unimportant.
She says You have no feelings. You are in your head.
He says Whatʹs wrong with that? How else do you expect me to solve this problem?
He reasons that she is being too critical and demanding because he is doing something that is essential for him to solve problems. He feels unappreciated. In addition he doesnʹt recognize the validity of her feelings Men generally donʹt realize how extremely and quickly they may shift from being warm and feeling to being unresponsive and distant. In his cave a man is preoccupied with solving his problem and is unaware of how his indifferent attitude might feel to others.
From the Book Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus by John Gray
0 comments:
Post a Comment