Why is She Mad at Me?!

If you ever felt handicapped in an argument, you're not the only one. No wonder men always want to avoid talking to a woman, especially when she's angry. You guys know that if you say one little thing wrong, she gives you the cold shoulder, and you're stuck in bewilderment.

What? What did I do? Did I say something?

The thing about women is that they all speak in code, just like men do. There's certain sayings and actions that are intrinsic to us, and it allows us to understand people of the same sex.

Men don't habitually open up and share their feelings with each other because it violates their code. They know that they're supposed to be proud, independent, strong men that don't lower themselves to the level of asking for advice. It would just be unnatural.

Similarly, women function in like manner. Why do you think women know so well when something is wrong? Because it's their job. Women tend to open up, share their feelings, and empathize. So, when one woman is upset and not as talkative, her friend will discern that something is up and try to talk to her about it. If she is reserved from talking about it, her friend will know how to empathize with her and persevere to make her feel as good as new.

Now, because men generally want to be left alone when something is distressing them, men feel that when women are having off days, they want to left alone also. DO NOT make the mistake of leaving a woman to tend to her feelings. Of course, she can always talk to her women friends to resolve the issue and feel better, but then, what good are you for??? You made some sort of commitment to this woman; you might as well try to care about her by trying to understand her ways. Empathize. Talk to her. If she tries to be humble and modest about her situation or says she doesn't want to talk about it, don't assume that that's how she really feels. Women often are afraid of coming off as needy to men. If she looks hurt or sad, help her!

Of course, women can hint all sorts of things when they talk. This is how women can read other women's minds. They're used to it. However, since they're dealing with a whole different species (men), they assume that men are experts at discerning feelings too. It's a bad habit, but most women don't understand that men work very differently. You might have to explain it to her if she continuously gets irritated.

Knowing this, pay careful attention to what she says so that you don't come off as stoic. You could be talking about a girl, casually, and she could get a little coy. What is she hinting? Jealousy. If you start talking about the depths of your relationship, and she starts to doubt a few aspects or even puts herself down, she is looking for reassurance. For you to confidently tell her that it will be alright and that you will be there for her.

It's a pain to have to translate women like this, but men and women each have their own unique quirks. This one's just one you'll have to accept, just as women will have to accept mens' quirks.

Should I Go Out With Him/Her?

Hold back, and you'll never find out.
You'll spend your whole life wondering.

Honestly, you can sit there and evaluate the pros and cons of being with that special someone. "He's going to drive me crazy" and "She's going to be controlling."

It's a constant pulsating thought. What if he or she is like that?

Of course, it's normal to be so paranoid. Relationships nowadays are prone to fail. Or so they say. But it's only because of the incessant fear permeating our confidence. Honestly, know now that:

love is a risk

If you're not willing to take the risks and allow yourself to become vulnerable, you will cower back to your endless "flings" (that you and I both know were no where near fulfilling). If you can't put up with taking risks and submitting yourself to vulnerability, don't expect a healthy relationship. Men and women cannot love without feelings. Don't be afraid to share them!

Everyone has their doubts and fear when it comes to love. But has that been working out for you? Ladies, you just become needy. Fellas, you become cold players. Both are turn-offs in relationships.

Love is also a battle.

Are you going to be the coward?

5 Common Misunderstandings

She says: You donʹt listen.

He says: What do you mean I donʹt listen? I can tell you everything you said.

When a man is in the cave he can record what she is saying with the 5 percent of mind that islistening. A man reasons that if he is listening with 5 percent, then he is listening. However, what she is asking for is his full undivided attention.

She says I feel like you are not even here.

He says What do you mean Iʹm not here? Of course I am here. Donʹt you see my body?

He reasons that if his body is present then she shouldnʹt say he is not there. However, though his body is present, she doesnʹt feel his full presence, and that is what she means.

She says You donʹt care about me

He says Of course I care about you. Why do you think I am trying to solve this problem?

He reasons that because he is preoccupied with solving a problem that will in some way benefit her, she should know he cares for her. However, she needs to feel his direct attention and caring, and that is what she is really asking for.

She says I feel like I am not important to you.

He says Thatʹs ridiculous. Of course you are important.

He reasons that her feelings are invalid because he is solving problems to benefit her. He doesnʹt realize that when he focuses on one problem and ignores the problems she is bothered by that almost any woman would have the same reaction and take it personally and feel unimportant.

She says You have no feelings. You are in your head.

He says Whatʹs wrong with that? How else do you expect me to solve this problem?

He reasons that she is being too critical and demanding because he is doing something that is essential for him to solve problems. He feels unappreciated. In addition he doesnʹt recognize the validity of her feelings Men generally donʹt realize how extremely and quickly they may shift from being warm and feeling to being unresponsive and distant. In his cave a man is preoccupied with solving his problem and is unaware of how his indifferent attitude might feel to others.

From the Book Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus by John Gray

What Men and Women Want

To put it simply:

Men want:

to feel needed

Women want:

to feel cherished

To put it intricately:

We Need to Talk

Ah, the most dreaded words of women.

She comes home with that look in her eyes screaming PREPARE FOR ME TO UNLEASH MY FURY. You're just thinking, "Oh God no, I'm way too tired for this."

She opens her mouth.

You're preparing to cover your ears. But no, no, maybe, just maybe it won't be that bad. Better risk it. Let's just see what happens.

She starts venting about her horrible day.

You immediately feel resolved to offer your solutions.

"You hate your job? Why don't you quit it then? You sound miserable everyday."

She raises her guard.

"I can't just quit my job, and I don't hate it! It's just stressing me out today."

You start pulling out more of your handy solutions.

"You should lie down."

She starts to get irritated.

"I don't want to I just---"

You cut her off.

"But it'll make you feel much better!"

She gets more irritated

Uh oh.... abort mission fellas....

She opens her mouth again

Take cover.

"You never listen to me. I've been having a rough day while you've been sitting here doing nothing. I just want...."

You've already tuned out, and you don't want to know the ending.


Yes, women can get a little annoying when it comes to talking. Can't she just get a beer and chiiiiiiillllllllll?

Haha.

Look fellas, women don't cope with stress the way you guys do. Women need to talk. They can't just whip out a video game and start combating stress. Essentially, women need to vent their feelings.


However, do not assume that she is blaming you for anything.


Women just need someone to listen to them. Granted, a man feels like offering solutions and suggestions always seems like the best way to listen to a women. Nevertheless, not every woman is the same. Sometimes women get irritated when you try to offer solutions. I know you think that you're just trying to love and care for her by trying to fix her problems and offer your advice (maybe you should tell her that too). It's perfectly natural for men to feel competent and pride themselves with knowledge.

But, women like to talk about problems a little differently. Perhaps men feel as if they are strong enough to do most things by themselves. Women, on the other hand, have no problem opening up and sharing their concerns. When women talk to each other and vent, they listen and empathize.

Interrupting and offering with solutions just causes frustration. Eventually, she will feel better. But she does not need to be fixed!

If you feel blamed, criticized, or attacked:

Do not fret. She is not blaming you or trying to make you feel inadequate. You're not failing her. She's not rejecting your suggestions out of mistrust. She just needs empathy and nurturing.

So the next time a woman shows stress signals, and she's about to vent,
practice listening.

A simple "Oh really?" "Oh no." "It'll be ok" "[insert relevent compliment here]" will suffice. Remember: empathy and nurturing. Listen, don't interrupt. She will thank you for it. And if she does get frustrated with your opinions, merely explain that you're just looking out for her and you will just listen to her next time. You will have plenty of times to offer your precious two cents, but use it when she asks for it or is feeling stable and stress-free!

Why Men Don't Listen

Is he going to his cave?

Scenario:

You're having a rough day, and all you want to do is vent to someone who cares about you. As you open your mouth and starting getting into detail, it seems that his mind is elsewhere.

OR

You both are going through an issue. Perhaps you or him are traveling or you're gonna be away from each other for some while. Regardless, it's creating stress for both you and him. You want to talk about it; however, he prefers to busy himself with minute things like video games, football, or any other personal hobby he has. You wanna talk about the situation, but he's just in a different world.

Frustrating right?

I'm sure everyone at one point has to deal with this. Alas, do not fret.

The cure to confusion, stress, and obstacles is understanding.

Ladies, we all have have ways of coping with stress. Ours happens to be talking. But men like to do things a little differently. Typically, men like to solve problems. If they don't solve a problem immediately, they feel inadequate. So they have to sometimes spend hours and days dwelling on on their problems, pondering how to solve them.

Sometimes, they like to distract themselves with other minor problems to feel as if they are making progress. Examples of distraction would be physical exercise, playing video games, watching football, watching TV, driving, etc. Most of their mind is set on trying to fix their problems while a small portion of their attention is reserved to the relationship. So, by engaging in their distracting activities, he only needs that small portion of attention to forget his problems, feel a release, and attack the problems better tomorrow.

He's just trying to fix the problem, ladies. He doesn't mean to keep you in the dark or ignore you. Sometimes men are unaware of the fact that they are not diverting the attention you deserve. But that does not mean he does not care. He does. He's just having a rough time. Men are just different from women. You don't typically see men being completely responsive and open about their feelings just as you don't see women being completely rational about their feelings when they are coping with stress. We just let it all out and don't think about being calm and making sense. Understanding that this cave of his is a coping mechanism will allow you to realize that he cares about you, and he just needs support.

Just give him space, and don't take the cave personal. He'll come out soon enough. They just need to feel loved and accepted.

Although, it is good to mention any feelings you have about feeling distant, for men sometimes forget about the problems of those he cares about. Men need to understand women's needs too.

Good luck!

Just So You Know